Musings of A Twisted Mind

So I download the ComboUpdater from Apple for the 10.5.7 upgrade, as I have 4 Apple laptops to do (MBP, MB, PB12" and PB17").

The federal government is sending many of us a $600 to $1,400 rebate. 

If we spend that money at K-Mart, the money will go to China. 

If we spend it on petrol it will go to the Arabs. 

If we purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan. 

If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala. 

If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan or Germany. 

If we purchase useless crap it will go to Korea and none of it will help the Australian economy. 

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes wine and beer, since these are the only products still produced in Australia . 

Free Fairies in Concert in Victoria

This Sunday, 1st March, the ABC is presenting a free, family-focussed event at the Sidney Myer Music Bowl in Melbourne.

The concert is a thank you to all Victorians for the tremendous support they have shown towards those affected by the bushfires. It also recognises the many emergency service providers who responded and are now helping people recover.

The concert starts at 10.30am (gates open at 9.45am) and will showcase many of the ABC's much loved kids entertainers including the Bananas in Pyjamas, Dorothy the Dinosaur, Playschool friends Georgie Parker and Jay Laga'aia, and, of course, The Fairies!

Harmony, Rhapsody, Barnaby and Elf will be singing and dancing for all their fairy friends. It's going to be a fan-fairy-tastic FREE event, so make sure you get there THIS SUNDAY!

A friend (@nicole_harrison) on Twitter posed this question this afternoon and, surprisingly enough, it got me thinking. I don't believe I'm currently in such a position, but what would I do if I was ?  I mean, I have two girls in a private school, a mortgage, car payments, other household expenses, etc. Fortunately, my wife (@mrsmoldor) is a "financial planner" (i.e. she's in charge of the money !!), so she keeps me well organized.

Here are a few hints that may help (feel free to add comments with others)

• Get your Resume / CV up to date
• Get said CV out to the appropriate agencies in your area a.s.a.p.
• Join up with groups like LinkedIn - yes, it really does work.
• If your skill-set will allow it, consider contracting as a short-term solution.
• Put the word out amongst friends, colleagues and even Twitter that you are looking
• Subscribe to jobsites, like seek.com.au (in Australia) and monster.com in the US

But above all else, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF (thanks @mjudd) .

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a High definition TV set or a new computer, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up. 

Date: Wed, 21 Jan 2009

To All My Valued Employees,

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job.

As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job; however, is the changing political landscape in this country.

However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.

First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Subaru Outback outside. You've seen my big home at last year's Christmas party. I'm sure all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life.

However, what you don't see is the back story.

I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 2 bedroom flat for 3 years. My entire living area was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

My diet consisted of baked beans, stew and soup because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a wonky transmission. I didn't have time to go out with women. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50,000 a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting David Jones for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the discount stores extracting any clothing item that didn't look like it was birthed in the 70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off" button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Subaru, the vacations... you never realise the back story and the sacrifices I've made.

Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy who made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn't. The people that overspent their pay suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.

Yes, business ownership has its benefits but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds.

Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire an accountant to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a cheque to the Australian tax Office for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" cheque was? Zero. Zip. Zilch.

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare cheque? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.

The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your pay you'd quit and you wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you? That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.

Here is what many of you don't understand ... to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had the government suddenly mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Canberra black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of Australia and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. But the power brokers in Canberra believe the poor of Australia are the essential drivers of the Australian economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.

So where am I going with all this?

It's quite simple.

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your 4WD and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

So, if you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of politicians who swept through this country and changed its financial landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about....

Signed,

Your boss

Now you can take that call when you're in Mt Druitt, Cabramatta or King's Cross - or, indeed, any other slum on the planet.

Your days of being afraid to answer your phone in public are over

                                       THE NOKIA 7.65 - CUSTOMIZED FOR AUSTRALIAN CONDITIONS